December Ambivalence

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My fingers stretch for hope
Exhausted, my eyes retire, telling me it’s time to go to bed
I can’t remember what I was waiting for
For the moon to peak through the sky,
Or the sun to rise

Craving human touch, a warm embrace

And I ask myself why you are still here?
A sad case of somber in the middle of December
Dry skin and a wet face
I feel undeserving of it all
Yet this broken heart loves furiously selflessly falls into a world of uncertainty
Unworthy of the thought that you might just stick around

So I wait for you to leave me
So I can slip back into a reclusive state
Where my arms feel alien and my body is again many times over inconsolable
Back to the days chasing fading affection
When feeling numb was the goal pursuit

And now I wake up to another day
For today I will digress from the potential goodbye,
to take a break and wait to see what path we will take

 

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