Stillness

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In the days where the waning hour was far from closing
Screen windows shuttered by the blustering wind
The rain raged breaking through the weight of the clouds
Creases in the bed evoked imprints on my skin
Fading maps
Stillness
Little sounds leaked through the walls
Scaling notes, crying children, creaks, ticks, running taps, and all
Objects unmoved
The motion of the suites down below could not breach the frozen room
Far from trepidation in belief that only good can come
Sitting in silence my belly rises and falls
I close my eyes, flip the lamp switch to and its back to sleep
Where I let dreams of love sweep me oblivion
And the ambience to carry me through the night
Sleep tight
It will be all alright
Goodnight

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Blood and Energy

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When love arises my hands oh they give it all away,
Blood and energy
And for nothing in return
My friends they tell me it was never earned
Yet I feel like I am unworthy of it all
For I am in debt for having a reflection, for being alive
For I am a burden to you and me

So this is a goodbye.

A soulful abandonment where I learn how to fully love me
And understand reciprocity
It should be in the way you breathe,
Input and output
O CO2
But I only know how to hold my breath
and hope for the light at best,
Because we know it would be best,
If I just left

December Ambivalence

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My fingers stretch for hope
Exhausted, my eyes retire, telling me it’s time to go to bed
I can’t remember what I was waiting for
For the moon to peak through the sky,
Or the sun to rise

Craving human touch, a warm embrace

And I ask myself why you are still here?
A sad case of somber in the middle of December
Dry skin and a wet face
I feel undeserving of it all
Yet this broken heart loves furiously selflessly falls into a world of uncertainty
Unworthy of the thought that you might just stick around

So I wait for you to leave me
So I can slip back into a reclusive state
Where my arms feel alien and my body is again many times over inconsolable
Back to the days chasing fading affection
When feeling numb was the goal pursuit

And now I wake up to another day
For today I will digress from the potential goodbye,
to take a break and wait to see what path we will take